Received Highly Recommended in Cambridge Writers 2015 Short Story Competition<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So here I am with my friend Marvin in a big room in a big building in a place Marvin calls London. Over there is a dumpy woman in a posh frock who\u2019s holding a gold medallion on a scarlet ribbon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The dumpy woman is coming this way. She must want to play shiny-thing-on-a-string with me. What does she think I am, a kitten?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNow be a good girl, James,\u201d Marvin whispers, and he strokes me under the chin<\/p>\n\n\n\n
just where I like it making me purr fit to bust.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Perhaps, I\u2019d better tell you my story.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I live in Marvin\u2019s territory. It\u2019s got two levels and a special flap so that I can come and go as I choose. It\u2019s a lot better than my last home. There wasn\u2019t enough room to swing a dog and too many noisy neighbours. But even that was better than my first house; my human kicked me and the food was terrible when I got any at all. I don\u2019t like to think about it, but if I ever see Abu again, he\u2019ll feel my teeth. Still, he did give me this spiffy collar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That\u2019s why Marvin chose me, the collar. Well I suppose it was really Marvin\u2019s human friend Sylvia who chose me. Sylvia\u2019s the one who likes wearing short skirts and<\/p>\n\n\n\n
who talks through her nose, and she does something to change the colour of the fur on her<\/p>\n\n\n\n
head. Don\u2019t know why. Perhaps it helps her hunt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Anyway, Sylvia says, \u201cIf we have to get a cat get a tabby one. I can\u2019t abide those marmalade monstrosities. How about that one with the snazzy collar? He\u2019s so adorable.\u201d She lowers her voice, \u201cAnd those are real diamonds.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI think he\u2019s a she,\u201d Marvin says, and he picks me up to verify. Some cheek, but at least he knows how to hold a cat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIs she a good hunter?\u201d Marvin asks my keeper. \u201cOnly we\u2019ve got a problem with rodents.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m not just a good hunter,\u201d I purr, \u201cI\u2019m the best.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t know if Marvin understood, but he finds that place just under my chin<\/p>\n\n\n\n
where I really like to be rubbed. That is sooo\u2026 nice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When we get to Marvin\u2019s house, I have myself a look around. It\u2019s important to find out what\u2019s where. Sleeping places, pouncing places, hiding places, places to sit with the best chance of tripping your human, you know the drill. Marvin and Sylvia are in the kitchen arguing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIf she\u2019s supposed to get rid of the rodents, why are we feeding her? Can we claim her on expenses?\u201d Sylvia shouts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWeren\u2019t you going to sell that collar of hers? I can\u2019t believe those are real diamonds.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI was assigned to a dealer from Haifa for three months. Always receiving hot stones from Zimbabwe. Taught me a lot. Anyhow, I couldn\u2019t get the collar off her. It must be welded on or something. Marvin, you\u2019ll have to do it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOkay, but our first client arrives this afternoon. The collar can wait till tomorrow.\u201d He pauses. \u201cWhat are we going to call her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI thought James.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cShe\u2019s a girl, remember.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cLicensed to kill, even if it is only vermin.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHa, ha. Very funny. You\u2019re letting the job get to you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo chance of that. Who\u2019s first for our safe-house then?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cName\u2019s, Hassan Khan, or at least that\u2019s the name on the file. Probably Osama Bin Laden\u2019s brother or something. You know we\u2019re never told the full story. Arabs and Israelis both after this one apparently.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I walk into the kitchen they stop chattering and look at me suspiciously as though I\u2019m some kind of spy. \u201cHey, Marvin, scratch my head,\u201d I purr.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Marvin\u2019s visitor arrives, so I\u2019m shut out of the front room. Shame. And they\u2019d just put the gas fire on. I\u2019ve found a mouse nest in the garden. I\u2019ll go hang out there for a bit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Turns out the man next door keeps pigeons. I leave the wings in the kitchen for Marvin. Sylvia isn\u2019t impressed. Don\u2019t know why, she could never catch one. \u201cJames, you\u2019re supposed to eat mice,\u201d she says contorting herself as she bends down to my level without showing the world her knickers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cListen lady,\u201d I purr. \u201cYou ever tasted mouse?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Seems I\u2019ve caused a row. The man from next door wants compensation, but Marvin has spent his budget on cat food. The row made Hassan very upset. He insisted Marvin give him the remote control that\u2019s the only way of unlocking the front door. Humans!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I want to sleep on Marvin\u2019s bed but he shuts me downstairs. Never mind, the spot in front of the gas fire is still warm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hey, my collar just went beep. No, I wasn\u2019t asleep. I tell you my collar just went beep. There\u2019s a click, then slowly the front door swings open. It\u2019s Abu. I never forget a<\/p>\n\n\n\n
smell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHi, Abu,\u201d I purr, rubbing my head against his trousers in my best honey trap<\/p>\n\n\n\n
voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGet away, Mau\u2019dib.\u201d Abu aims a kick at me, but, as always, I\u2019m too quick for<\/p>\n\n\n\n
him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I pad on up the stairs after Abu. He\u2019s hunting. And if he is, then I am too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou think that\u2019s moving silently,\u201d I purr at him, but he takes no notice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cA single bullet for the apostate,\u201d Abu whispers. He pushes open a door. The thing about hunting is that you must pick the right moment to pounce. Not too soon, not too late, just when your victim is least expecting it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Abu screams as I sink my teeth into his hand. \u201cThat\u2019s for feeding me broccoli.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The metal thing he\u2019s holding drops to the ground and makes a terrible noise. Time to<\/p>\n\n\n\n
hide\u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The posh lady with the shiny medallion on a ribbon is standing right in front of me now. She really does want to play. \u201cGot any crunchies?\u201d I purr. Fat chance;I can smell this lady is a dog woman. Perhaps I\u2019ll bite her instead.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"